Good morning and welcome to the first (formal) post on this blog!
I'm going to start this post by shouting out the communities over at No-Fap.com, and r/No-Fap on Reddit. Without those communities I wouldn't be posting about this beautiful challenge!
So. Today, it's going to be about jacking off.
Well, it's going to be about not jacking off to be exact. You see, I'm a No-Fap enthusiast. For those of you who don't know what No-Fap is, it's a self-improvement challenge where the participant refrains from pornography, masturbation and orgasm (PMO) for an extended period of time.
You may be wondering, why the hell would I want to refrain from touching myself? Is this a religious thing? No, it's not religious. But if you want to involve Jesus in this, you can.
I personally think your Lord and Savior might want to be left out of these kinds of affairs, but that's your call.
© T.S.A.M. Inc.
We all know that guilty feeling we get after we're done with Rosie Palms and we wonder ,"Why did I do this?" You know when you're just getting finished and you feel like Anakin Skywalker after he killed Samuel L. Jackson.
This is usually me on repeat.
© Lucasfilm
The idea of No-Fap is that longer you abstain from PMO, the less you associate those things with happiness and the less likely you are to want to do them. And as a result you start chasing things that actually make you happy. Things that don't have you writhing on the floor feeling like you just shoved someone's grandma.
And therefore the longer you abstain the more productive a person you become.
The longest I've gone without pulling the proverbial pollo was 118 days.. Before that my longest streak was 50 days. I've made some attempts to start a streak again. To no avail. You see temptation is a fucking beast. And I am a knight with a broken sword. What else does a knight with a broken sword do but go find somewhere secluded and play with his own - you get the idea.
So, do you guys remember those "How It Feels To Chew 5 Gums Commercials" (that I'm not entirely sure weren't inspired by someone's acid trip) Well here's one if you don't -
I'm chewing the Mint flavor right now, and the only thing
it's reminding me of is brushing my teeth...
© The Wrigley Company
I'm writing this post to show you guys how it feels to be on a long no-fap streak. Everyday, I'm going to update this post with a picture that sums up how it feels to be on that day of No-Fap. Starting today.
Day 1:
So when you first start off, you don't really feel anything. But let's say you just broke a pretty decent streak like me. This is how that feels-
© Marvel
Yep. I feel like Spider-Man after he failed to save Gwen Stacy (Gwen being my No-Fap streak) I knew that I was strong enough to build up that streak. I was strong enough to cherish it. Yet, I let the Green Goblin of sexual urges get into my head and I broke it.
Like Gwen Stacy's neck...
© Marvel Enterprises
And I sit here and mourn it. But just like Peter Parker, I'm strong enough to go on.
A song to go with today's feeling: All Shall Perish - The Last Relapse
A song to go with today's feeling: Adelitas Way - Invincible
Day 2:
Yes, I know this is the second picture from a comicbook that I've used. But do you know, that I don't give a damn?
For those of you who aren't nerds, that guy up there is Superboy-Prime. Superboy-Prime is a version of Superman that has none of his weaknesses. He also witnessed his home reality get destroyed, so he is capital "I" insane. So think an evil, more powerful version of Superman. And then at one point he got a yellow power ring so he has all of the powers of Green Lantern on top of that. The guy is so powerful he punched a hole in reality itself and shattered space-time.
I feel a bit like that right now. I feel insanely driven. I've got goals to achieve and there's not a damn thing or a damn person that's going to get in my way. And I don't say that in anger. I say that in confidence and happiness. I feel unstoppable, right now. I am unstoppable right now.
But I'm wondering if this feeling is just a high or it's going to be the way I feel throughout this entire streak. I don't know. But we'll see. We shall definitely see.
Day 3:
I don't want to do a goddamned thing right now. But I know I have to. And I know that I will. But I just don't give a fuck anymore. Yesterday, I felt drive in the name of passing all of my classes and looking good for the campus. Today, I'm doing the same shit. But I couldn't give less of a fuck about all of that stuff. This morning, I sat down and stared at the wall. And I just said "How about I just give less of a fuck about all of this shit? I have to force myself to care anyway. Fuck that."
And now here I am in one of the study rooms for my dorm blasting Stone Sour and typing this out. I'm sitting so far back in my seat that I had to pull the table over my waste so I could reach my laptop. And that's how I'm going to sit the whole time I'm up here. Cause I don't give a fuck.
So on the third day of No-Fap nihilism succesfully took a hold on me.
Yes, unfortunately it seems yesterday's nihilism spell was not a spell at all, but a demon. I feel highly indifferent right now. How indifferent, you may ask? I'm in my first class blasting Yngwie Malmsteen as I type this out. I don't have to try hard to succeed. In fact, when I do try hard I wind up becoming paranoid and fucking it up. So fuck trying. In fact...
FUCK EVERYTHING.
A song to go with today's feeling: Slipknot - Surfacing
Day 5
Welcome to MTV's Cribs. Why don't y'all hop on into my casket?
Now let me explain this picture. This morning I woke up and did my usual routine. But instead of being met with an enthusiastic vigor, I had a fucking existential crisis.
I'm pretty sure I brought it on myself. You see every morning, I typically write down everything that I feel good about as a way to kick the day off with a positive start. This morning I decided to do the opposite and write everything that I don't like about my life.
And that allowed me to take the wool from over my eyes. I realized that I feel like shit 90% of the time. I do so much shit that I don't want to do that it's like I'm going through life on autopilot. It's like I'm already dead. I might as well be. (Hence the picture.)
Fuck that. I value my life way too much to continue going on like this. The universe could reclaim my soul, tonight. I got no business living the way I do. So starting from this morning. I'm not faking anymore. I don't give a damn.
A somewhat fitting song for today's feeling: Anthrax - Efilnikufesin
Day 8
I've been missing for the past three days. This picture is really reflective of how I feel both right now and how I've felt over the past couple of days.
Conflicted.
I know I can succeed if I just get my ass out there and put in the work. But I just can't bring myself to 1. Give a shit, and 2. Feel motivated. I feel like I should give a damn about my chores and my duties. But I don't. And strangely the less I chase success, the better I feel.
I don't know if I'm giving up on my life and becoming a failure or if I'm just started to live the right way.
A song to go with today's feeling: Slipknot - The One That Kills The Least
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